Pug Off

Hampton

2008-04-07T12:41:00.003-05:00

"Okay, girl. You have a new camera. I'll let you take a quick picture of me. And I'll even smile."

About 50 snapshots later.... "Girl, I said 'a' photo. Singular. One. If you don't get that camera out of my face, I'm going to remove it myself. Don't push me."

Hippo

2008-03-24T14:38:00.002-05:00

Sometimes a pug's just got to climb on top of his stuffed orange hippo and take a nap.

DEUCE!!!!

2008-03-09T21:44:00.002-05:00

I think the title says it all.

Actually, no. No. No. No. How can one little fuzzy dog be so very bad? Every waking minute he's into something else. Isn't it tiring? Doesn't he sleep? How many rolls of toilet paper can one Silky terrier destroy?

She Hits You

2008-03-07T09:07:00.003-06:00

This is Peyton Farve. She's a Shih Tzu. Petyon belong's to my Sister Pug, Nurse Ratchet. She was born at the end of December and weighs four pounds. Isn't she cute?

Must I Beg?

2008-02-27T14:53:00.002-06:00

Hello Internet. Its me again, Rio.

You might remember me from my earlier letter trying to find a suitable partner for my Mommy.

Well, the pouring in of inquiries was underwhelming.

Thanks for nothing, World Wide Web.

Look, I'm getting kind of desperate here. Mommy needs to find me a Daddy. Soon. She's nearing 30 and has NO prospects. Zero. Nada. None.

The word of the day is spinster. S-P-I-N-S-T-E-R.

So come on Internet, help a chocolate brother out. Help me find my Vanilla Mama someone to mix flavors with.

Sincerely,
Rio

P.S. My Momma is very limber.

More Chins Than The Chinese Phone Book

2008-02-25T10:29:00.004-06:00

"Fat jokes are uncool. Momma Pug, the hussy, doesn't like anyone messing with her chins. But its okay to tease Sonny The Pug? Double standard. Sounds like the pot calling the kettle black.
I don't know what daddy married her. The hussy."

Dot's Sun

2008-02-22T10:32:00.002-06:00

Don't be confused. Stretch is a miniature, curly-haired Daschund. He is not a fully-sized, straight-coated Doxie -- he just plays one on TV.

Personal Ad

2008-02-20T16:42:00.004-06:00

Dear Internet,

This is my mommy. Isn't she pretty. I think she is. She's really good mommy too. Except sometimes she gets made at being called a "spinster." Since she's so touchy, I thought I'd help her out by putting an ad out on the World Wide Web. My auntie, Momma Pug, was more than happy to help.

Let's start with the basics. She needs a nice man (who preferably owns a female chocolate chiuhuhua like me) to take her on a nice date and have a sexy time with her. Here is picture:

I know, we are good looking. So it probably comes as a surprise that my Mommy is on the market. Well, its not her fault. You see, my Granny Bitch and I don't usually like the idea of her having a man. (Less attention for us, if she did.) But, then we got to thinking -- maybe should she "marry up" that it could be a good deal for all of us.

So, in closing let me list what we, I mean, Mommy is looking for.

Must be tall, slightly chubby (not frail and skinny.)

Must have some large and full in the pants... and by that I mean a wallet. (I know what you were thinking, pervert.)

And not just money -- ALOT of money. Independently wealthy.

Professionally successful.

Must not have baggage like children or crazy ex-wives.

Dead wives are okay, as long they died of natural causes.

Must love puppies.

And food.

And girlie movies.

But not be secretly gay.

Also, must dote on me, I mean her. And not be jealous or controlling.

If you feel you have met these MINIMUM qualifications, send Momma Pug an e-mail and we'll begin our background check and interview process. (Be prepared to submit your social security number and a urine sample.)

Psychos, momma's boys and whiners need not apply.

Sincerely,
Rio

Little Bitty Lap Dog

2008-02-19T14:28:00.005-06:00

When we adopted Ripken the Houston SPCA swore on a stack of Bibles that he would, and I quote, "weigh less than 15 pounds."

Well, they are a bunch of liars.

I mean, he thinks he weighs 15 pounds, but as you can clearly see, he's somewhat larger than that.

Side note: Why does the hand that's resting on my stomach look sooo much smaller than the one holding Rip? I suddenly feel like a carney, with tiny hands.

Wienerschnitzel

2008-02-18T10:33:00.003-06:00

"Dies ist ein royale hund."

Introducing Franz Adolph Wilhelm Otto Von Wienerschnitzel.

Little Otto, as he is called by his closest friends and family, is descended from the great hounds of royal Germany. His great-grandfather-to-the-23rd-power was a favorite in the court of Rudolp II, a great Habsburgian king who ruled in the 1500s.

Otto's hobbies include sitting in his mummy's lap, eating treats and invading France.

Not Speedy Gonzales

2008-02-15T12:56:00.003-06:00

Name: Rio

Breed: Miniature Chihuahua

Occupation: Terrorizing Sylvester

Catch Phrase: "¡Ándale! ¡Ándale! ¡Arriba! ¡Arriba!"

---

Rio comes to us from Mississippi where he lives with his "spinster mommy." (His words, not mine.)

Oh, Sonny

2008-02-14T12:49:00.003-06:00

Scene: Upstairs in the Pug home last night.

Sonny the Pug: Arp. Arp eep. Ark! (Dah'dy, pick muh up and hold me.)

The Aggie: Not right now, puggy. I'm working.

STP: Grrrr. Epppp. (Really, I wahnt tuh be picked up. Now.)

The Aggie: One second, Sonny. I'm in the middle of something.

[Cue vicious growl and tugging of the pants leg.]

The Aggie: Sonny!

STP: Arp. (Dah'dy!)

[Aggie reaches down, picks of STP. All is well.... Until Momma Pug calls for the Aggie's assistance in the other room.]

STP: Gurp. Eep. (Dun't go to that hussy!)

[Momma Pug looks up to see Aggie walk through the doorway, stumpy little pug trotting along beside him.]

Momma Pug: What's wrong with the puggers?

The Aggie: I think he wants attention. (Aggie joins Momma Pug on couch.)

STP: Grrrrrp. Eppprk. Arfk. (Leave me on the floor? Over muh dead body.)

[Aggie snaps a picture.]

[Then picks up the pug.]

Baby Deuce

2008-02-13T09:50:00.001-06:00

He looks cute, but in reality he's 11 pounds and 6 ounces of fury.

Younger Rippy

2008-02-12T10:54:00.001-06:00

Seriously. Ripken is the cutest dog ever.

This picture was taken right after we moved into our house.

He was just about 9 months old.

----

Want your pet featured in Daily Dog? Just send the image to mommapug@gmail.com.

FAQ

2008-01-24T15:48:00.001-06:00

Why do you call yourself Momma Pug?

Because I'm Sonny the Pug's momma. And I think we bear a striking resemblance. And because it makes me smile. And because its fun to say. Go on, say it fast: MommaPug. Fun to say, right?

Do your family and friends care you talk about them on the Web?

No. Well, maybe. Sometimes? Honestly, I don't know. I've never taken a survey or passed out permission slips. So they might hate it for all I know. Regardless of what they might say, I really do try to not be intentionally hurtful. Besides, I've always been a bit of a storyteller so it's probably no surprise to them that they become great fodder for my Web site. Also, I usually use nicknames – that way none of the ingrates can sue me.

Do you support the Humane Society or SPCA?

Absolutely. Ripken came from the Houston SPCA and Sonny the Pug came from the Humane Society We here at Pug Off think anyone who's trying to save even one animal should be lauded. All though, we think PETA is made up of a bunch of coo-coos. Sure, no-kill shelters are the best, but it's not always a realistic option.

Why do you call Deuce "a demon"?

Because he is the badest little dog on the planet. Lucky for him, he's also super-cute.

Why did you start this blog?

I began blogging in 2005 on MySpace. When I decided to a more public forum, I created Pug Off (mommapug.com). The blog originally started as way to document my first failed weight loss attempt. (You know, as a way of keeping perspective and good sense of humor.) Then I started talking about having PCOS. Finally it morphed into this.

Why is the Aggie the Official Pooper-Scooper? Don’t you help?

Because he is the greatest husband in the world. He's also Official Laundry and Trash Guy. And, no, usually I don't pick up poop. I mean, unless the Aggie's not there to do it. Then I become the Backup Pooper-Scooper.

Why three dogs? Isn’t that a bit much?

Yes. Sometimes it is a bit much. And there's kind of a long story behind it.

Back in 2005, we had just been married one year when we decided to get a puppy. (Enter Ripken.) Then we decided he needed a yard, so we bought a house. (Like our logic?) Eventually Ripken needed a brother and I a companion, so we found Sonny the Pug. (Who turned out to HATE the cat, LOVE the Aggie and was pretty much indifferent to me and Ripken.) So after the passing of Mark's beloved Silky terrier Martin, we decided that if we had the opportunity we would get a Silky to be Ripken's buddy. (Enter Deuce.) Some days it is really overwhelming. But most days they're just a lot of fun.

Why does Grumpy live with you? Are he and Grummy divorced or something?

Grumpy stays with us Sunday through Thursday because he is working for a big oil company here in Houston as a consultant. He spends most of his time helping me make fun of the Aggie and pining away for Grummy.

Why is Ripken such a wimp?

Born that way. I mean, he's always been a puss, as far as we can tell. But his sweetness has limits. Just ask Deuce.

Why is STP a daddy apologist?

I wish I knew the answer to that. They are BFFs 4-EVER. Sonny literally WORSHIPS the Aggie.

If you could kick the ass of one other blogger, who’s ass would be getting kicked?

Perez Hilton.

Does the Aggie have a job?

The Aggie has many, many jobs, including but not limited to: Official Pooper-Scooper, Garbage Guy, Laundry Guy, Light Bulb Changer, Royal Servant to Sonny, Plumber, Painter, Gardener and Product Assembler. He also runs his own PR business.

How long have you been married?

Three years.

Why don't you have any kids?

Because they are soul sucking leeches that ruin your Saturday night bar romp.

Do you want kids?

Oh, yes, I can't wait to be a mother! But I want to be a mother on my own terms. (After I see the world, write a novel and can work from home.)

Do you have a "real job"? Why don't you write about your work?

Yes, I do have a 9-to-5-er. And I don't discuss it on Pug Off -- unless it is in generalities -- because that's the kind of behavior that gets you fired.

What kind of work do you do?

I like to say that I'm a "recovering journalist." I left the newspaper business three years ago, and currently I'm a writer/web editor/graphic designer. I work for/with really great people and consider myself blessed. And that's all I'll say about that.

How old is Gertrude?

She was born in 2001 and we've been together ever since.

Contact Me

2008-01-24T14:41:00.000-06:00

MommaPug@gmail.com

Cast of Characters

2008-01-23T11:10:00.000-06:00

So, we here are Pug Off change the names to protect the innocent. So here's a list of who's who. More will be added, I'm sure. But these are the folks listed so far:

The Regulars:

Momma Pug – The Queen of Pug Off. Read more about me here.

The Aggie – My dear, loyal husband. (Also official Pug Off pooper-scooper.) He's a writer too.

Sonny the Pug – "Hello, ladies." STP is the official mascot of Pug Off. He's a lot like his momma – fat, funny and full of shit. (He's also what I like to call, "A Daddy Apologist." The Aggie does no wrongs in the eyes of the pug.)

Gertrude – Our disenfranchised cat. It used to be just the two of us. Then I married the Aggie, got three dogs and ruined her life.

Ripken – The coolest dog on the planet. Seriously. He was supposed to weigh 15 pounds. Uh, no. Try 46. We like to call him the "Big Fuzz." Stick around and you'll see why.

Deuce – The baby of our family. He also may very well be possessed by Satan. Think Tasmanian devil meets adorable puppy.

Our Houstonites:

Madge – My oldest friend in the entire world. We met the first day of kindergarten and its been downhill ever sense.

The Razorback – Husband of Madge. Very good at ducking thrown produce.

Madgette – The five-year-old spawn of Madge and the Razorback. So much like her mother that I feel like I'm five when I'm with her.

Tree – College buddy and co-Houston inhabitant. Also serves as official drinking/thrift store buddy. Also an uber-nerd/Star War's geek.

P.Daddy – Husband of Tree and baby daddy (we presume, anyway.)

Jaime' – The J.D. to the Aggie's Turk.

Stark – Co-worker/buddy. Skinny and pretty, but her total clumsiness/social awkwardness allows her to be included included in my inner circle.

Debbie Do Right - Childhood friend and companion of myself and Madge. There's a reason there were Three Stooges, Three Amigos and Tres Margaritos, por favor.

Phruitz - Paramour of the DDR. No one enjoys messing with their wife more than Phruitz.

All in the Family:

Big Daddy – My father. Carrier of circus-act-shit genes.

Grand-Momma Pug – My mother. The ying to my daddy's insane yang.

Grumpy – Father of the Aggie and our fellow house mate.

Grummy – Mother of the Aggie. Also a supplier of fine wines and adult beverages.

Nurse Larry – My baby sister/nurse. She dispenses super-valuable advice, such as: "Don't panic. No, I don’t think you will die from swallowing an eraser."

Stewart – Nurse Larry's fiance/indentured servant.

Big Guns -- My beautiful, "endowed" cousin. Also, Sonny's girl friend. He gave her the nickname.

Auntie A. -- My aunt. Mother of Big Guns. Fellow dog herder.

Jenny Craig – My middle sister who's now an aerobics instructor. She recently lost 75 pounds, thus we don't really allow her on this site.

Mr. Fix-It – Husband of Jenny Craig. Equally perfect. Also exiled due to flawlessness.

Baby C – Our nephew and the most awesome baby in the world.

Wen-Bin – Mother of Baby C and sister to the Aggie.

John Deer – Husband of Wen-Bin and father of Baby C.

And last, but certainly not least…

Joe Bufface – My brother-in-law. He doesn't like sharing his games with me.

About Momma Pug

2008-01-23T10:40:00.000-06:00

Born under the Mississippi magnolias and educated at Southern Miss. United in marriage to my Aggie-Texican. Mother of an ornery Pug, two bad fuzzy pups and one "disenfranchised" cat. Acquaintance to many; loyal friend to a special few. Marginally successful writer/novice graphic artist. God-fearing. Devoted big sister. Loving daughter. Considered a bit dramatic. Funny. Fun-loving. Maybe a little fat. Always happy.